My Story About Bullying
I was bullied all my life since preschool. My preschool teacher told me I was the worst student she ever had and almost expelled me. Not my fault I never had child care because I had a low immune system because of my double lung transplant. Then at kindergarten the kids made fun of me because I bought a cup to school and ants got it so I had to ask my mom to get me juice boxes so the kids won’t laugh at me. in first grade through now… people make fun of my height. In 1st grade, they used to say I didn’t belong in 1st grade because of my height and should be in kindergarten. I actually bit one guy on the arm for that. We get along now. :] Through out elementary school, people made fun of my height, and my hearing aids (I have high frequency hearing loss). No kids let me play with them as I got older because I wasn’t good in handball and I couldn’t run far distances because of my lungs. In middle school, life was freaking hell. People pushed me, they shoved me into my locker, and one time they put cream cheese on my lock so I was late to class (my nightmare back then). They made fun of everything including my voice…. which is a result of having hearing loss.
A group of girls told a rumor that I told a rumor about one girl wanted to have sex with a teacher which was totally not true. I got suspended for that and because I threatened to stab them with a pen. They got off with an apology for my outrageous behavior. It happened on a Thursday in 2006. They said I started the rumor the day before (Wednesday). The day before, I wasn’t even there. I was getting a Bronchoscopy, where a tiny camera goes down to your lungs to take pictures, and they had to put me under. I told the assistant vice principle the truth, plus I had evidence that I wasn’t there; doctor’s notes, attendance, and of course, my parents. She asked me like 12 times if I started the rumor, and 12 times I said no. But finally I said yes, and she said that I was a compulsive liar. Then I said, “what do you want me to say? I didn’t do it but you don’t believe me”. I was suspended and the girls got away with nothing. From then on, I never trusted school officials to believe me. I also had to go to my parents or my own self to handle a problem or get help. This thing happened over and over and over again.
In 8th grade, the same thing happened again. The same Thursday I was suspended but in 2008. But before that, I was almost suspended again. I was in choir from 6th to the middle of 8th grade. Everyone freaking hated me because I was not the best singer and I don’t really know any other reasons why. They just did. By the time I was in 8th grade, I hated choir and dreaded going to class because all the girls used to bully me. I just read my book until class started and they all came and sat by me and talked literally right behind my back. Anyways, after one day in choir, this girl came and pushed me against a concrete wall with the bumps on it, over and over again. She yelled and spit in my face. I honestly don’t remember what she was talking about. So I gently nudged her just so I can run to my next class. But I was called to the office. I was in huge trouble. I have beaten up a girl that was either one year younger than me. What the girl told the vice principle was totally a lie. It said I beat her and spit on her and made her nose bleed and made her cry. That was not it at all. I told the truth and no one believed me. Thankfully I had witnesses, I basically called in the whole class and they told the truth. I got in trouble for touching her trying to get away and she got a “slap on the wrist” for being mean to me and pushing me into the wall.
The second time I got suspended was when I actually deserved to be suspended. Thank God that was justified. I wasn’t happy of course but it was ok because I deserved it. The girl and I are ok now but back then she had been bullying me since 6th grade…. Along with all her friends (the popular kids) of course. But let me rewind the day before….. It was a choir concert along with band. Unfortunately, the same girl that pushed me into the wall had to sit next to me because I was the shortest, and she was 2nd shortest. Anyways, you had to be very quiet and respectful for the other choirs and band. She would not stop talking. I whispered to her to shut up and she just got louder. I ignored her for a few minutes then she started again. This other girl told me to shut the hell up really loud and she wasn’t even sitting near me. I started sobbing during while they were loud. I got in huge trouble the next day by the teacher. I explained what happened and she told me to shut up. So I was in the girl’s locker room the next day for P.E. The girl who yelled at me older sister started arguing with me… she was also in choir. I started explaining what actually happened. Then this girl walked into the dressing room and pushed me into my locker with her side. I had had enough! I shoved her back. Then we hit each other back and forth. It felt so good to beat her up. Finally, a taste of their own medicine! We stopped then walked away. I was telling people who nice it was to finally stand up for myself. Then she snuck up behind me and hit me so hard, my hearing aid went flying and broke. Those cost thousands of dollars each. I was in shock. My hearing aid was broken. I was also going to get a puppy. I never had one. But because the hearing aid was expensive and I got suspended and was expelled from the locker room, which was fine, I had to change in the nurse’s room. I was afraid my dream of having a dog, was over. I went up to the office and got suspended. Luckily, so did she. I told the vice principle who started it and what happened but because I fought back, I was in trouble. Luckily, my hearing aid didn’t break and it was just the hinge where you lift up to change the battery. I also got my dog. Those three events happened in middle school made me unable to trust officials. Oh, and also, they kicked me out of choir after the first semester, which isn’t allowed, and I became a teacher’s aid in a special ed class.
Oh high school, the bullying did not stop but it did cease. In 9th grade, everything changed. Girls were pregnant and almost naked, and guys were well, the same as middle school but taller and more buff with manly voices. A lot of girls were just…. Bitches and sluts… they were only 14! That’s way too young. I started to tell them how I “ruined” my birth parents lives (I was adopted at birth, so I live with the parents who adopted me. It was an open adoption, so I go North Carolina where they live. My birth parents are divorced and my birth mom has 3 little boys (my half brothers) and my birth dad and his wife have a pet rescue). They had me at 19 and 17. I may have exaggerated a little bit but I wanted to tell them what would happen. They started calling me prude and I said, “At least I’m not going to Hell.” I was kind of religious back then and did not have such an open mind. They bullied me so much for that. I started writing… anonymously and started speaking out about bullying on youtube… I never used their names. They found out and I almost got suspended. So free speech is not allowed? I never even said their names or explained what they looked like. Anyways, my vice principle, who actually was relocated after my 9th grade year, told me to “kill them with kindness”. If they say hi, just say hi back. I started to do that and my life got a whole lot better. I wish I knew that in middle school. They just left me alone unless I got near them, then they began to be mean but I just either ignored them or be nice to them. Thankfully, I never had normal P.E because I couldn’t be on the same time limit as other runners, so I was a Teacher’s Assistant in Special Ed P.E. I got to help out with special ed students. They were so nice! I used to hang out with them at lunch. They were my friends. People made fun of me but I didn’t care. I was doing a good thing. Unfortunately, in 10th grade, the teacher was bullying her students. She hit them, called them names, and made one of my good friends feel like she was so stupid she wanted to kill herself. She was the smartest one in the class and she could never exceed or move on to the next level! One of her students, I believe he had autism, accidentally touched my chest. I didn’t mind because he was mentally disabled. It wasn’t a big deal. But the teacher called me an “evil Gnome” for trying to seduce her students… are you freaking kidding me? She also called this other girl, a demon for dressing in all black and loving skulls. What in the world? Luckily, my friend got out of that class and graduated high school but the teacher was not fired and still works there. After I was done with my P.E credits, I never really had any friends. I just sat by my next class and do homework or read my book. I joined choir in 11th grade and it was ok. I liked it. Then in 12th grade it was middle school all over again.
So… we were on a trip in San Diego. A friend of mine had my phone because her phone died. Her boyfriend accused her of cheating on someone (she didn’t). But because she was using my phone and I tried to smooth everything out, these 3 girls all blamed every piece of drama on me. They blamed me for their breakup, they blamed me for ruining their trip. The teacher yelled at me and hated me. She favored those other girls because they were such good singers. I told her the truth and what the girls called me and she was like…what? Those girls are angels… Not everyone is what meets the eye. I finished choir but I hated it. To this day, they still hate me but they eventually got in trouble. I never will join choir again, even if I love to sing.
In my senior year, I got my first boyfriend, who was in his first year at the college I go to now. He didn’t even know but he bullied me all the time. He even told me I needed breast implants. I was an A cup. So I pretty much sunk into a huge depressed state and ended up with the police taking me to the Ventura Mental Hospital Holding Cell. I was in there for 7 hours with no food and only a bottle of water. It was horrible. I had counselors in middle school and the beginning of high school but I took a break. I got enough courage to ask for help again. My ex then broke up with me the night of my grandmother’s funeral. I was so happy he was gone. A month later, I met my boyfriend who I have been dating for more than 2 years today.
Now comes along college. College was a breath of relief. I’m in my second year and no one has bullied me. Maybe talked behind my back, but that’s nothing. As long as I remain friendly, calm, and assertive, no one will bother me ( in a mean way). Some girls from my high school and middle school attend my college and have seen me but they just ignore me. I say hi to them and sometimes they say hi back. This is proof that it gets better.
Because of many years of bullying, and trust me, those were just big details about some events, there were a few more I can think of but this is way too long anyways, I have a some mental problems. I have seen 2 of the best psychologists in my life. First was Jan, who been my psychologist from 6th grade to 8th grade. Then I saw another counselor, but she didn’t really do much but it still helped. In high school, about 10th grade, I finally saw my psychologist that I see today, Karen. In middle school I had severe depression but I never knew. I had serious panic attacks and wanted to peacefully die in my sleep. I don’t want to die painfully. In my first year of college, I was finally diagnosed with depression and I take meds. I also have to take another type of medicine, that helps me think before I act. It helps me calm down. I was also horrible at math, I have to work twice as hard as everyone else to get it. I have a minor version of ADHD. The ADHD part is my impulsiveness to get angry quickly and not do well at math. But with my 2 medicines I take for anxiety and depression, it also helps with the symptoms of ADHD.
Not only was a bullying victim, I was also a girl scout from 2nd grade (brownies) to my last year as an Ambassador. I miss girl scouts and those girls have all moved away. I still have my best friend in the whole world now living an hour and a half away from me but it is so good to know that I actually have a friend in the world… besides my parents and family (including my birth family) who are always there for me.
It gets better. Don’t give up! Be Strong and Stay Strong. Thank God for all the lessons I have learned and am still learning.